Embarassment

Your face is burning, you want to hide, sit behind the flames. You close your eyes and hope you vanish, open, they are all still there and nobody likes you. He tells you to sort it out, you want to sort it out but your body freezes. There is no way in, and you're ever faster slipping away. How will you ever refrain, how will you forget, you're blowing this out of proportion. It's all your fault, you forgot the limit, you kept pushing and there was no pulling. You close your hands into fists tightly, nails digging into your palms, blood draws you feel no pain, except for the blunt knife reciprocating through your stomach. Everybody can tell you have done it all wrong, they are all silent, they are an audience to your series of unfortunate events. You are useless, you kid yourself "I am better than this." But really, are you? So apparently nothing happened, but your conscience begs to differ.

Right, here is your chance, take it, take it. You missed it, now she's gone. You walk, but you want to run, he tells you not to worry, if only it were that easy. You sit and hope this will all be over soon, you want to rewind. You promised yourself that you would behave, you broke that the moment you stepped foot outside the house. I try and go to sleep.