I looked to my left; there she lay, as pretty, pure and innocent as ever. Each time I inhaled from my nose, a sweet, calm sensation rushed up making me feel more content than I had ever felt, too bad it was all going to mean nothing when I would wake up the next day. I felt her turn and hold me a little tighter, a mass ripple effect of warm joy spread around my body like children on a field of snow. As I lay my hand on her shoulder I couldn’t help but laugh at the freckles that populated it, like small chocolate sprinkles on an iced bun. Her skin was softer and smoother than a latte, and at each touch, I closed my eyes and realised how it felt to be at peace. People were running up and down the hallway outside of the room, but for me, it felt like it was only her and I in the whole world at that moment.
Then reality kicked in, I experienced my heart dropping lower and lower reaching out for something to grab hold of, then suddenly, a vast hole of oblivion emerged beneath me and I felt my body give in, I let the pull of the darkness take me, with my head dropped back and my eyes gaping wide open I collapsed into the abyss of the greatest sadness I may have ever experienced.
I got out of the bed, noticing how her arm slowly brushed off my leg, I looked back, she went to hold something thinking I was still there, luckily a pillow was lying beside her, she embraced it. I tip-toed out of the room meticulously making sure I didn’t make a sound. I took one last look at her, closed the door and stumbled into the room next door. I advanced to the window and tried to make out what was outside but the condensation blurred everything, everything became blurrier and blurrier, then I felt something wet on my foot, I realised I had begun to cry. I wiped the salty tears of my sorrow and lied down on the bed, facing the ceiling I raced through all the thoughts running through my mind. There were too many to concentrate on one and I came to the conclusion that many of them would remain incommunicable forever.
Four hours had passed since I had left her to wander in her dreams alone, I still couldn’t sleep. I walked up to the window again and wiped it with my arm, the cold feel of the window sent an immediate shock through me but my mind was too busy thinking of other worries to register the bitterness biting through my skin. As I looked out the window and gazed at the silver pepper of the stars, I tried to work out what share of mine was the heavens above. I noticed that one small star seemed stranded from the great congregations of others and it reminded me of how alone I felt, and then it dawned upon me how pathetic I was being at that moment, I shook my head and walked back to the bed. I sat with my legs folded up against my chest and I tucked my head in between my knees and chest and began to think, some more. This truly was the story of the beauty and the tragedy, the relationship may not have lasted long, but I knew the pain would stay with me forever. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was floating.
* * * * *
A week on, and I can still feel partial bits of the pain resonating through my bones. It goes away most of the time, but every time I see another girl, that residing pain decides to carve its initials repeatedly against the walls of my chest. I don’t talk to her anymore, she doesn’t talk to me. I watch her appear online, no ‘hello’ or ‘hi’, as if I never existed. I don’t think she ever liked me, but I was out of her life now, one less worry for her; one more regret for me.
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